Saturday, 22 June 2013

“Chavs” and South Wigston

The plan to walk around the local area might have to be cancelled after Jan pointed this out to me…


Wigston  - The Black Death revisited.

This small town, consisting of Wigston itself and the *even* worse South Wigston, is quite simply one of the most chavvy, burberry, teenage pregnancy, stabbing, piss holes in the UK.

If you drive down one of the main roads, from the (slightly) nicer town of Oadby, quality of life drops from ‘acceptable’ to ‘AIDS-ridden sub-Saharan African Village’. Crap, in other words.

The main road in Wigston has a plethora of delights.

It’s got a pub (The Bell or something) where two people were stabbed last week, a Greggs – chav Mecca, another scuzzy pub, a video shop renting 1980′s comedy for 50p a week, several pound shops, and an ‘amusement’ arcade.

Oh, and a Maccy D’s. The small wall outside is always packed with Burberry and (fake) Nike little rats, that throw chips and crap at passers by.

Moving further down the main parade of shops, we get to a set of schools – Bushloe and Abington high schools -(Bushlo’ and Abbo’), and a crappy college, Guthlaxton (Guffo’), where you can do BTec’s in needlework or CSE’s in Maths for Retards.

This is where children first learn maths – what stolen cars are worth – and basic writing skills, like writing an ‘X’ where the dole form says ‘sign here’.

Badly scrawled graffiti is everywhere. I personally like the good stuff, the wall-long colorful murals done by people with artistic talent.

Sadly here it’s more like a burberry retard signing ‘Dez’, ‘Bez’, or a combination of the both describing which 13 year old Chantelle or Britney-Mercedes they impregnated over the weekend.

There’s also a handful of manky parks – rusted kids playground things, broken bottles, fag ends, a half-pipe covered in week-old Stella, like some kind of eastern-European ghetto.

Driving very fast at this point, trying to escape, with the ‘Glade’ car plug in thing roaring on ‘High’ to remove the smell of Wigston, you may pass the Nautical William pub.

If you ever find yourself with Burberry clothes, old corduroy, a scabby face and the IQ barely above a small mollusc – come here for a pint and a glassing.

There’s also a salmonella and E-coli infested kebab van called Leon’s Kebabs – a dubious van-based establishment, presumably of eastern-European origin, too.

Ever wanted to know what 17th century Europe was like during the Black Death, the Great Plague?

Come to Wigston, and sample the smells, the broken glass, the syringes, and the disease.

It beats Butlin’s!


I’m not sure if we should be laughing or dragging our stab vests and kevlar helmets out from under the bed!  Oh….. and neither of us knew know what a ‘Chav’ was until we looked it up on Google!  Apparently they are a new strain of Homos Erectus which have evolved from a lifestyle based on extended TV viewing, computer games, and little physical exercise.   I managed to find a photo of one and will probably look around Wigston tomorrow in an effort to establish how many there are!



Peter and Margaret said...

Ahha! I see you have discovered what life in the UK is really like for most of us these days, except the lucky few, and all politicians of course who don't ever see past their village greens! But I fink dis is a well gud post wot pulls no punches wiv de buzz on wer de action is, innit...... Where was that article published?

Tom and Jan said...

The link is in the word 'Wigston' (blue font at the beginning of the post).

Peter and Margaret said...

Ahha! got it now thanks! You should see the entry for Bolton on the website - probably quite true of course, in most districts.