Thursday, 17 January 2013

Homesick Kiwi

Took the old banger that had a dingle out at sparrows fart. At the footie there was a drongo cockie and a shelia up the duff with two anklebiters and a bitser. The bloke was a bludger who told me a load of cods wollop. The shelia asked me to go to a bun fight but I had to bring a plate. She was going full tit giving me a right ear bashing. I said I was going bush where upon she threw a hissy fit and told me to get off the grass!

I decided to go to the big smoke for greasies and a handle. On the way I met the boy racer who was a bit of a dag. I said “G’day bugalugs” and had a shuftie noticing he was cackhanded. He told me the car was on the never never and I decided he was mad as a meat axe. I decided to shoot through but the banger was dodgy and eventually puckaroo. It gave me the willies, but an offsider saw me and offered to take me to the oldies who live in the wop wops. I haven’t seen them in yonks!  I’m not a wally and sussed him out.  He was a bit of a skite and a Sunday driver. However he needed to rattle his dags otherwise the oldies would be pushing up daisies when we got there.

OK….. how much of that did you understand?

Meanwhile, back to the serious business of boating!

Following Nick’s tutorial on servicing the engine we now own

  • Sponges (3)  - 99p Shop
  • Funnels (3) - Poundland
  • Hydrometer & Antifreeze Tester – Halfords
  • Disposable gloves – 99p Shop
  • Filter removal wrench - eBay £4.49

I’ve also “found” a couple of old containers to capture any oil or diesel spilt during the service.  Paul, nb The Manly Ferry, left a comment to look at Pela 2000 extractor pumps as they are smaller than the one used at the yard.  I’ve been doing some research and found the following.

On the left is the genuine Pela 2000 (£39.07) and on the right the Laser 4786 (£28.69)  I think we’ll be buying the cheap imitation!  Now I’m searching for oil absorbent mats as an option instead of using kitty litter.  I did consider disposable nappies but the boatyard informed me the plastic liner quickly degrade when in contact with oil or diesel.

Oh….. If you’d didn’t understand some of the colloquial Kiwi slang here’s the translation

Took the banger (old car) that had a dingle (small dent from an accident) out at sparrows fart (dawn). At the footie (rugby) there was a drongo (idiot) cockie (farmer) and a shelia (woman) up the duff (pregnant) with two anklebiters (small children) and a bitser (mongrel dog). The bloke (man) was a bludger (lazy) who told me a load of cods wollop (untrue statement or remark). The shelia asked me to go to a bun fight (social gathering with food) but I had to bring a plate. (means bring a dish of food to share) She was going full tit (going very fast) giving me a right ear bashing (someone talking incessantly). I said I was going bush (take a break, become reclusive) where upon she threw a hissy fit (tantrum) and told me to get off the grass! (exclamation of disbelief) 

I decided to go to the big smoke (town) for greasies (fish & chips) and a handle (pint of beer). On the way I met the boy racer (name given to a young man who drives a fast car with a loud stereo) who was a bit of a dag (comedian, person with character). I said “G’day (hello) bugalugs” (a bit like "mate" as in "how's it going bugalugs") and had a shuftie (look) noticing he was cackhanded (left handed). He told me the car was on the never never (hire purchase) and I decided he was mad as a meat axe. (very angry or crazy) I decided to shoot through (leave in a hurry) but the banger was dodgy (unreliable or bad) and eventually puckaroo (something that is broken, buggered, rooted or otherwise disfunctional). It gave me the willies (overcome with trepidation), but an offsider (friend) saw me and offered to take me to the oldies (parents) who live in the wop wops (situated off the beaten track, out of the way location). I haven’t seen them in yonks (forever, a long time ago)! I’m not a wally (clown, silly person) and sussed (to figure out) him out. He was a bit of a skite (to boast, boasting, bragging) and a Sunday driver (slow driver). He needed to rattle his dags (get a move on) otherwise the oldies would be pushing up daisies (dead and buried) when we got there.

5 comments :

Peter and Margaret said...

And you once told me you couldn't understand British dialects......

Tom and Jan said...

Now you know why? :-)

Leo No2 said...

Every word of it. Reminds me so much of my childhood and growing up ion the mail and (South Island of course!)

Jenny and Robin said...

We understood every word before we read the translation. I still use some of those phrases today. good laugh.

Tom and Jan said...

I'd be more than a little surprised if the Kiwi's didn't understand it. But I would have loved to have been present when my English mother-in-law arrived at the party with an empty plate after being invited to "bring a plate!" :-)